To be loved without begging for it.
You’ve used me time and time again.
You’ve treated me like a crap a million times.
But I can’t blame you entirely, because I’m the stupid one, for letting you do it over and over.
He didn’t want to hear my stories.
He didn’t ask me questions.
He didn’t text me even he knows im upset.
He didn’t bother to comfort me and make me feel good when im sad.
He doesn’t seem to care about my feelings.
I wonder if he ever loved me at all.
Im tired of feeling that i cant cry. Im tired of having feelings that i dont understand. Im tired of having to explain things to peeple or myself, im tired of not being able to explain. Im tired of looking at things differently than other people look at them. Im tired of hating people, of having people hate me, of loving people who either dont know how to return that love or cant see it.
And im tired of feeling like im one wrong word away from losing everything i love most in this world.
— To talk to you. To be with you. This very instant. I want to sit across from you indian style and look into your eyes while you talk nonstop. I want to just hold your hand and listen to your voice all day.
Somehow i thought if i loved you enough and if i was good enough to you, that you would love me back and i could finally get what i want for once. But i couldnt even do that and after all my efforts you still cant seem to love me like i love you..
I have so much to live for. So many things to be grateful to have. But somehow, deep inside, I feel I would give it all, just to have another chance to talk to you again - I would drop everything if it meant another chance for us.
There isn’t a day that goes by where I dont by some point, think of you. Or, some kind of memory we once shared. It’s like, I look at a certain thing, hear a certain song or even eat a certain food and suddenly, I am reminded of you, and times we shared, conversations we had, the best friend you used to be. I know its already ruined and Im sorry. Im sorry because I miss you so much yet you dont seem to miss me at all. Im sorry because once again, Im crying over you while youre probably having the time of your life with her.
Forgive them even if they are not sorry.
To me, its all about trust and loyalty. I need someone i can trust to be myself with. Someone who won’t spill my secrets to another person, even if its someone who they trust or they are close to. I need someone who is loyal. I have had too many people just leave from my life - walk out just like that. Too many peoply who have replaced me. I need someone who won’t simply ditch me for someone else because they are more fun, or more open, or belong to other crowd. I need someone i can count on. Because i would be willing to do all of that for someone, and so much more.
Most people say they are empty. But I am too full. Full of memories, fears, hope, love and anger. I have too much inside myself. I have a heart that is getting too heavy to carry around. I feel so much i cant have peace.
Whenever Im alone, or laying down, or just thinking.. My mind wanders to you. I dont know why. But it does. I think of the past and what happened between us. Sometimes it just made me want to cry. Because i miss it. I miss us. I miss you.
And it’s not fair.
sometimes i wonder if the good things i do are appreciated by the people i do it for. Its not like i expect something in return, i dont. Never that. I just feel as if a person shouldnt do so much for others out of love time and time again, to just be taken for granted. There might not be a limit to being a good person, but there is a limit to being nice all the time.